efter tae a haggis (tae a fert)

Tae a fert

Oh what a sleekit, horrible beastie
Lurks in yer stomach efter a feastie.
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin,
There sterts tae stir an enormous wind.

The neeps an' tatties an' mushy peas
Stert workin like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin' wi' the sonsie face
Will huv ye blawin' a' ower the place

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A'body's gonnae huv tae pay.
Even if ye try tae stifle,
It's like a bullet oot a rifle.

Haud yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try an' stop the leakin' air.
Shift yersel' fae cheek to cheek
An' pray tae God it disnae reek.

But a' yer efforts go assunder
Oot it comes like a clap o' thunder.
It ricochets aroon' the room
Michty me! A sonic boom!

God almighty, it fairly reeks
(Ah hope ah huvnae sh*t ma breeks!)
Straight tae the bog ah better scurry
Aw whit the hell, it's no' ma worry.

A'body roon' aboot me's chokin
Wan or two are nearly bokin'.
Ah'll feel much better fur a while,
Ah cannae help but raise a smile.

"Wis him!!" ah shout, wi accusin' glower.
Alas, too late. He's just keeled ower.
"Ya dirty bugger!" they shout and stare.
Ah dinnae feel welcome ony mair.

Where e'er ye be, let yer wind gang free
(sounds jist the job fur thee)
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty
Ower the sake o' wan wee ferty.

Brilliant George. "The Guys a Poet and he dont know it"

Well done George Every bit as as good as Rabbie Burns

I'll bet Rabbie wishes he had written that yin !!....pure class Geordie. (have ye ever noticed though lads,when a bairn does that it's "clever boy/girl,that's the stuff",but you try it and all ye'll get is "filthy **!!**!!,away ootside and dae that"...talk aboot double standards)

George great poem I am going to move your poem to the poems section now that there is a section for poems.

hud on lads a didnae write that author is unknow only pit it on as an interest as it wiz burns nicht ....